If you’re waiting to meet your “soul mate” or “the one,” there’s a good chance you’ll be waiting for a long, long time. I’ve had this conversation with a lot of people at different times that believe strongly in the myth that we all have “soul mates”. The truth is: I do not believe in it but I do believe that if you are seeking God’s will about your life partner, He will lead you to someone that is a true fit for you.
You see, the idea of finding a “soul mate” or “the one” means the person is PERFECT but I’m so sorry to break your heart: your future spouse will NOT be perfect. You might not even think alike or always agree on everything but like I said earlier, if we seek God’s guidance, He’ll lead us to the people who are going to be the best match for us. Our God knows how to give good gifts. If we LET Him, He’ll pair us up with people that complement the gifts, talents, and personalities that He has given us.
I have found this to be very true in my own life. The guys I dated in the past were not all bad. In fact, they ALL had many of the good qualities I wanted in a husband. If they didn’t, I’m sure they would never have passed “hello”. But in each relationship, there were things that didn’t feel quite right. Permit me to be honest a little bit: in some of the relationships in my past, I found myself compromising some of my values to be more in line with the guys’. Which thinking about it now didn’t make any sense. There were so many available “brothers” who were just okay and would make great husbands. Sadly, I considered one because he was a Christian with a good heart. I struggled with making a final decision about him for at least a year. In all honestly, I truly wanted to do what I felt was God’s will, but I also really didn’t want to give up the relationship and we all know how that is. It wasn’t until I was fully ready to obey God’s leading that I made the difficult decision to break up with him.
I started floating and kept going with the wind. You know that period when you know God is telling you to take a “chill pill” but you decide to go see a movie with brother A, eat out with brother B and hang outside with brother C while deceiving yourself that you’re checking them out. You don’t want to be bored at home and you can’t be bothered about your own self-respect! Now that’s a terrible place to be. People who knew me saw that I was over working and distracting myself with “activities” and they called my attention to it. Some close friends and relatives started asking questions. A few people said I was too picky. They thought I was waiting for “the one” but I wasn’t and I didn’t let their comments bother me. One day, I decided to put God in charge of my love life and after a series of events, I made a list with three things I wanted in a husband.
The three things I wrote had NOTHING to do with his physical attributes. I know physical attraction is important but for me, I wanted something deeper that a fine face. I wanted a partner that would treat me in a way that it is compared with how Christ loved the Church. Knowing fully well that my choice of husband will be the second most important decision I’ll make after salvation, I knew I had to make the decision prayerfully and carefully. I started spending more time with God, asking Him to show me what’s beneath the surface of every man interested in me.
Time went by and instead of meeting the “brother” that fit the list, counterfeits started showing up yet again. But this time, I was in a peaceful place. I began to think, just maybe the three things I wrote could only be found in Jesus. Maybe waiting for God’s best wasn’t for me; after all, I would have been long married if I hadn’t gone through a particular tragic breakup.
I had to give myself “brain”. You can’t say you want God’s best and date just anyone that’s asking you out.
Dear sister, I know fully well that this “marriage matter” sometimes overwhelms us but, God is constantly speaking and it’s up to you to believe you are worthy, set the standard, and have the faith that God works in perfect timing in all areas of your life, including this one.
Wait for God’s Best!